Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Being Unfaithful

I recently had to tell my girlfriend I had been unfaithful to her. It had become obvious I had someone else in my life. Not an easy thing to do. We are working our way through it, but I don't think I'll ever stop seeing the other.

To help me come to terms with it, let me tell you a little about her.

She is petite and is the most beautiful creamy tan colour, and as with most women she hates the cold, but anything above twenty nine degrees she hates too. I see her at least three times a week, if not more. Sometimes I see her at the weekend too, telling my girlfriend that I am going to work for a couple of hours. I go and see her instead.

If I treat her nicely, making sure she isn't too hot or cold and she has plenty of food she loves to reproduce. Sometimes I can't keep up with how fast she is, and it makes a mess all over the floor.

Speaking of food, she has a really sweet tooth and loves beers of almost all types. However she does have a really strongly allergic reaction to strong alcohol. If she has anything above about nine percent alcohol, she is likely to die.

She lives where she works, free accommodation is always a bonus with a job. When she is at work she lives in an ultra modern construction made of stainless steel clad in varnished softwood. When she isn't at work she lives in a small one room place made entirely of plastic. I think it is a bit claustrophobic, but she is happy in there for a few days before she starts to sulk.

I sometimes have to be a bit rough with her, rousing her into action if she gets a lazy, but she doesn't mind and almost always reacts well to it. She is also quite old, I'm not sure exactly how old, but then again, neither is she. She has the strangest health routines too, every four or five weeks she likes to be soaked in acid for an hour or so then to go for a massive binge on sugary water for anything up to 5 days. Some of her friends have told me they find that an acid soak every eight to twelve weeks works better for them, but I think they have just been reading Grazia too much.

Her name?


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